Oliver Twistys Diary

Where the hell I am? What an earth is this place? Who is that snoring and farting carcass? Bloody hell is this somekind of abduction of aliens? ONSLOW!!! Where are u? I need help!!! And who are u devil staring at me?

You too, the satan, do something. I don’t want that monster to turn. Oh fuck do something else than smile with that stupid face. Allright now get up and slowly quiet as a mouse to find your blues way shoes and as fast as possible to out. NOW! RUN!

Still wondering where I am, people are strange, snow is everywhere and a hell its a lot. Sky is dark and god damn I dont have any jacket and its so horrible cold. Im freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing. Panic: hypothermia. NOW! RUN! Little snowflakes wet my face and hair. Then that devil with red horns shows me the way. Where the hell Onslow is when I need him?

I run and run and finally I am somewhere in a place where is a lot of bars and some shops and black people and gypsies and short bearded men. Young junkie looking man runs and two guards try to catch up. I heard something strange: “vittu nussikaa puluja!” and then the man disappeared.

This is not true or I cant believe this is true, I turn around in the alley and the devil is showing me the bar. I look the name, wow its Oslo, and Norwegian flags are surrounding the name. Yep I need definitely beer and fast.

It was a warm spring day and the sun was shining in early April. I had just received the unemployment benefits from Finland and was so fucking thirsty. The hostel I was in, obviously didn’t have a bar so with my tongue out of my mouth, I went to find a beer.

Vaci Utca is full of shops and restaurants and turist people and damn picpockets. Beer and fast. At the corner near the square and Anna Cafe I went to a small shop and found my Soproni Classic beer, a traditional Hungarian lager. Four O.5 liter cans is nice start for a bright day.

I thought it would be nice to drink and watch life under the trees, but I did not have a friend. And at the same moment Onslow came and said fuck nice..Ofcourse he did have beer and so we started a day.

A couple of hours seemed to pass and Onslow did have also some vodka what we shared. Then it was for me time to go. I walked through the crowds and listened a gypsy violin for a while. It took my head and I turned to a side street and went to a restaurant where was two elegant ladies. Wow we danced and did have fun and drank some vodka and sparkling wine. Then it came a time to pay and I gave my card to the waiter. Something went wrong and I did go to cash automat. Fuck 500 euros gone! Nice..

I heard a whisper: “oliver twistys diary is coming soon”..the sun is shining and the snow is glittering in the spring forest, where I see a naked young maiden running…fuck nice says Onslow and takes a beer and piss on his trousers..and that’s how the spring rush disappeared ..damn Onslow always ruining everything..next time I see one as good looking I will rip his ass..